


hell day

by olivefoss



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, boys being dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 14:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10466790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivefoss/pseuds/olivefoss
Summary: Truthfully Jiynoung was feeling slightly uncomfortable with someone looking at him so sincerely concerned. It made his throat feel tight, and his heart pace quicken. “Why are you looking at me like that?”“Why do you think you’re an awful person, Jinyoung?”--Jinyoung is kind of an asshole. An asshole with feelings that he doesn't know how to deal with.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i spent so much time on this, yet it feels so rushed lol... idk
> 
> this is sort of a sequel to [world class fuck up](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9657665) but can be read alone if u want.... i just wanted to expand on the jinson bc they got me like
> 
> its kind all over the place im sorry  
> also i feel like i should note, there are?? flashback scenes, and i tried to double space them to separate them from scene changes, though all flashbacks are written in past tense. (flashbacks r the only way i know how to write w/o making this a million words long)

There are many things Jinyoung really wishes he could be doing right now, or the places he could be—sitting at his favourite spot in the campus café, studying for upcoming exams, drinking a warm cup of honey lemon tea with a cheese croissant on the side, but instead had to be here, in the stairwell of his dorm building, laptop tucked under his arm, with coffee seeping into his shirt, his expression comparable to the before the storm calm.

“Oh my god! Jinyoung?”

A shock of brown hair and wide eyes greets Jinyoung, when he looks up from the pool of coffee at his feet. Jinyoung can feel his eyelid start to twitch.

“Jackson. So good to see you.”

“I’m sorry!”

Jinyoung’s groan cuts Jackson off.

“This is… uh...” Jackson starts, holding out the cup now void of coffee. Watching as the coffee staining the front of Jinyoung’s crisp white shirt, soaking the front dark brown, drips onto the slip proof green of the dorm stairs. “ _Was_ for you…” He eloquently finishes, albeit a bit shamefully.

“Before you go and ruin someone else’s day by inadvertently causing them to break their neck,” Jinyoung says as calmly as he can, gesturing with his free hand at the mess at his feet, “you should inform someone of the spill.” There was a hint of an edge to Jinyoung’s voice. Jackson shivers ever so slightly at Jinyoung’s tone, before nodding his head and dashing off.

It was only until Jackson was out of his sight that Jinyoung let out a shaky sigh, starting his trek back up the stairs. He mutters curses to himself along the way. It wouldn’t be as big of a deal if he didn’t live on the fourth floor of building with a broken elevator.

As soon as he gets to his room, he carefully sets his laptop down on his desk and assesses for any damage, thankfully it was spared.

In the middle of peeling his shirt off, is when Jackson crashes into his room, looking as if he’d run up the stairs without taking a breath, Jinyoung wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly what he did.

“Jinyoung!” Jinyoung lifts his eyes to meet Jackson’s, tossing his shirt onto the floor, next to the heap that is his clothes hamper—he’s been putting off doing his laundry for far too long now, unfortunately that’s just the university life is treating Jinyoung at this moment. What with heaps of homework on top of boisterous overbearing friends crashing into his life at the most inopportune moments (with or without coffee.) life is just one stress after another and quite honestly, Jinyoung can’t describe with words how exhausted he is.

Jackson had wandered close to Jinyoung, “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t burn yourself or something…” Jackson places his hand on Jinyoung’s chest; it’s just barely pink, it didn’t sting, just felt a bit sticky from the sugar in whatever coffee contraption Jackson had ordered for him this time.

Jackson is too busy staring slack-jawed at his chest to realize Jinyoung has set his jaw. He can feel a distinct rage settling in him. Realizing Jackson’s hand was still on him, he slaps it away, not caring if he hurts Jackson.

“Oh. Sorry—“

“Don’t. Just stop.” Jinyoung sucks in a breath. He knew he should stop there, before he let his feelings take control of his actions, but this has been something building up for so long. He can’t think of a day Jackson wasn’t there, demanding something from him, taking up all this time, and more importantly—touching—all this unwelcome affection, despite how it _always_ goes unreciprocated, Jackson’s persistent in giving it. Jackson’s hands were hovering cautiously, grating on Jinyoung’s nerves further. “Seriously, I’m sick of this. Why can’t you just leave well enough alone? We’re not even friends, yet I’ve tolerate you for long enough, and it’s getting to the point where I can’t take it anymore, you’re so goddamn annoying! Please, just go. You’re not helping anyone.”

Jackson stands there for a few moments, looking taken aback, waiting for the ‘just kidding’ he knows he’s not going to get from anyone, let alone Jinyoung. Jinyoung’s had enough of him? After trying so hard to be his friend? This is what Jackson gets?

“Go!” Jinyoung shouts, pointing at the door. Not caring if his neighbours complain.

Jackson lets out a shaky breath, pulls the sleeves of his sweater over his hands and leaves, making sure to close the door softly behind him.

Jinyoung growls, frustratedly under his breath, aiming a few kicks at the door, uselessly. He buries his head in his hands, lowering himself to a squat on the floor, trying not to scream.

\--

That didn’t take long, Jinyoung thinks, as he came back from his second shower of the day, towel over his head, as he notices his phone flashing, letting him know he has a new notification.

                mark

_Jinyoung? Wtf?? Im coming over._

He sets his phone down face first. Great, of course he had to go and get his roommate involved. Now he’s never going to hear the end of it. This is exactly what he needs. He runs his towel through his hair a few more times, deciding good enough, and tossing it at the hamper. More distractions. He does not need Mark Tuan of all people coming over to lecture him. Jinyoung stares longingly at his laptop, right where he left it on his desk top. He can’t believe he would actually rather be doing homework right now.

He took a seat on his bed, waiting for the inevitable. It only took a couple minutes until Mark was barging into his room.

His hair was a mess, like he too, was just trying to enjoy a quiet Saturday afternoon, and like Jinyoung, had it ruined all thanks to Jackson. Mark’s piercing gaze immediately land on Jinyoung, who, not surprising is glaring right back up at him.

“You’re an asshole.”

Jinyoung holds his stare, unblinking.

“Jackson’s at home sulking.”

“So. He’s not a child. He’ll have learn to suck it up, like most adults do.” Jinyoung says matter-of-factly.

“You’re not the one that has to live with him.” Mark sighs, taking Jinyoung’s desk chair, spining it around, and siting in it, so he can be on the same level as Jinyoung. “What did you even do? Why did you yell at him?”

“He spilled coffee on my shirt.” He comments apathetically, like it’s any reason to get nearly violent with someone.

“You need to stop… stop being like this.”

“Like what?”

“So… self-absorbed. You only think about your shitty self. You’re emotionally constipated, and can’t take your head out of your ass for five seconds to realize your attitude and actions actually hurt people. Since day fucking one, you’ve been nothing but an ass to him. All he wants is to be your friend.” Mark was staring at the floor between them, Jinyoung follows his gaze—realizing Mark didn’t even take his shoes off. Another check on the list of things that piss Jinyoung off. That list is filling up quicker than he had hoped, only a few more checks until his first grey hair at the ripe age of 21.

Jinyoung sighs “Self-absorbed? Literally all I’m trying to do is focusing on studying. And before you say anything about telling Jackson, as neutrally as possible—I’ve tired, he’s always showing up wherever I go, bringing me this or that, telling me this or that, forcing me to do anything _but_ study. I’m sick of it. I can’t take it anymore. So I snapped. It happens. He’s going to have to deal with it.”

Mark scrunches his brows together, pinching the skin that’s gathered there. The chair squeaks as Mark leans back, waving his hand in the air, trying to accumulate words to say. He opens his mouth, but quickly closes. “—Look. Not everything is about… school. You can do other things than study.” Jinyoung is almost certain that’s not what Mark had intended to say. His eyebrows furrow as he watches Mark’s face shift as he thinks.

“That’s easy for you meatheads to say, you’re only here on a sports scholarship. Try a real major next time.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “Look, I still have to maintain my grade—you know what, I’m not going to bother. I don’t care how you do it, but you have to deal with Jackson. Maybe take your ugly mug out of a textbook for a few moments and actually look around. Take a breath of fresh air. I don’t know. As Jackson’s friend, and roommate, his happiness is important to me... and so is yours.” Mark’s huffs, as if he winded himself from his sudden explosion of words, runs a hand through his hair, and stands up from the chair. He pulls his phone out, making up some excuse. “Jaebum is waiting for me, just—I don’t know please, I don’t like seeing my two closest friends fighting over something so… fucking stupid.”

“Easier said than done, friend.” Jinyoung comments, to Mark’s back as he makes his leave. Not caring if he even heard him. This day just gets increasingly worse.

 

 

“Are you even listening to me?”

Jinyoung looked up from his book, briefly, to acknowledge Mark’s presence for the first time since he barged into Jinyoung’s room.

“Should I be?”

“Yes? I’m asking you a question.”

“And I already told you, I’m too busy to go to your housewarming party. Besides that, what are you doing here, shouldn’t you be packing?”

Mark sighed. He’d stolen all the covers off Jinyoung’s bed, leaving it bare save for the sheet and a single pillow, (of which Jinyoung was using to cushion his back from the wall) and was using them to make a nest on the floor. Jinyoung didn’t have any will to fight him on this. “Jinyoung… some human interaction once in a while won’t kill you. Don’t make me force you.”

Jinyoung pointedly ignored Mark, picking up from where he left off in his book. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll think about it.”

 

 

It’s been three days. Jinyoung hasn’t done anything. He’d received one text from Mark, but otherwise his phone has been completely silent. He supposes, he was naïve in thinking things would figure themselves out, and eventually go back to normal with no effort on his end. But just his luck, things are still bad, probably worse, with exams creeping up slowly (or quickly) and Jinyoung’s stress levels are at an all-time high. He’s basically been cooped up in his room, except to leave for class, so he’s beginning to feel some semblance of cabin fever. However, he doesn’t want to risk leaving his room in fear of running into Jackson, or anyone he knows for that matter.

He’s currently living off the coffee in the common room, which—to say the least—is really not good. He’s had better coffee at truck stops, but that’s beside the point. Jinyoung is brooding, and can’t focus for more than ten seconds on his laptop screen before he’s reminded of the look on Jackson’s face after Jinyoung kicked him out.

That’s why Jinyoung finds himself in this predicament, Facebook open in another tab, his mouse hovering over it, tempted to click, but knowing he has to cram as much as he can before he can allow himself to divulge in social media. Procrastination is not on his list of things to do today; however, that’s all he’s been doing. Realizing, that just because he’s not scrolling a useless website that in no way helps him be more social, doesn’t mean he isn’t procrastinating. Oh, but the plain white walls of his dorm room are just _so_ interesting. He tears his glasses off his face to pinch the bridge of his nose.

_You’re an asshole._

Yeah, that’s exactly what Jinyoung is. Mark’s always hitting the nail on the head. Jinyoung plants his face on his desk.

_This is still procrastinating,_ Jinyoung’s mind helpfully supplies, but fuck it; he can’t focus anyway.

_Emotionally constipated._ Jinyoung doesn’t even know how to react to that, but he can’t exactly refute. For as long as Jinyoung can remember, he’s always been this overly complicated disaster of a human being. He’s always been ridiculously closed off, and unfriendly to new people, he can’t help it, it’s his only defence he has against the rest of the world. He can count on only two fingers how many people have broken down a part of that wall. Jaebum only because they’ve known each other since elementary school, and Mark because Mark just understands him; they spend a lot of time together, as Jinyoung enjoys the companionable silence, and having no pressure to constantly find something to talk about. To Jinyoung Jackson is an anomaly in his life. He bears his heart on his sleeve, and always has something to say, to say the least he’s the exact opposite of Jinyoung. Where Jackson is sociable and fun, Jinyoung would rather stuff his face in a public toilet then let someone come into his personal space; anyone else would they’d say opposites attract, but to Jinyoung Jackson was the one exception.

 

 

“’Nyoung, You remember Jackson?”

“Who?” Of course Jinyoung knew Jackson. How could he not know Mark’s new roommate. Though, only through brief interactions between classes, or the occasional run-in in line at the campus café.

Jackson forewent any greeting and reached for Jinyoung, pulling him into a quick hug, complete with three firm pats on the back, of which Jinyoung was fairly certain he never gave permission for. He figured his resting bitch face alone was enough to turn people off of him. That didn’t seem to stop Jackson, however.

Grimacing when he finally pulled away—it was only, like, half a second, but that’s entirely too much physical attention Jinyoung can handle in one evening—Jinyoung creates space between him and Jackson. Jinyoung’s loath for affection seems to be the one thing people _love_ to push on him. He hated it.

“Sure you do, Jackson you remember Jinyoung, obviously.” Jackson nodded. By then someone else had caught Mark’s attention, Mark apologised, thrusting his unfinished drink into Jinyoung’s hand, with a muttered, “Finish this for me, I’ll find a new one.” And that is how Jinyoung found himself as the soul caretaker of this red plastic cup full of Mark’s germs. Jinyoung swirled the fizzing liquid around the cup, looking up, only to be taken aback, he’d thought Mark leaving, meant by extension Jackson was leaving as well—well he was wrong.

Jackson had a look on his face, looking half-dazed; a dopey lopsided smirk greeted Jinyoung. He looked like he had a few pre-party drinks already swishing through his veins. Jinyoung’s never been all too comfortable with the idea of drinking (and not just because he’s still considered underage) from listening to stories of peoples entire personalities change based on how much poison they willingly let destroy their liver. However, knowing he’d be spending the entire evening outside of his comfort zone, Jinyoung figured just this once he can let loose, all morals pushed aside, Jinyoung decided, fuck it, and drowns the rest of Mark’s abandoned drink. Perhaps this night won’t be as awful as Jinyoung intended to make it. Plus whatever in that cup didn’t taste as bad as Jinyoung was expecting, and a second one might not be too bad.

“Let me get you another drink.” Jackson pointed in the direction of the kitchen, leading them there. Jackson grabbed himself a red and white can out of the fridge. “Do you drink often?”

“No.”

“Okay, noob. Try this, it’s one of the least disgusting beers.”

_Noob?_ Jinyoung scrunched his eyebrows at the proffered can.

“If you don’t like it, just give it back to me, I won’t let it go to waste.” He popped the tab, it fizzed and foam spilled over the sides. Jinyoung warily took the can, not expecting much. He took the first sip—immediately his face soured.

Jackson laughed, “I can always make another one of those things…” Jackson pointed at the empty plastic cup Jinyoung was still carrying for some reason.

“Could you?” He held the can back toward Jackson, Jackson placed it on the counter.

Jackson smirked and reached for the cupboards. Jinyoung shouldn’t be as surprised as he is to find Mark’s cupboard bare, save for a few hundred dollars’ worth of alcohol. The counters were cluttered with red and clear plastic cups, Jinyoung watched, attentively, as Jackson reached for a blue glass bottle (or was the liquid blue?) and a clean red cup from a hastily opened package. Jinyoung watched Jackson work the kitchen counter like a bar until a cup was thrust at him.

“Thanks.”

Jackson picked the beer back up again and gulped it down—first of all, how? Second of all, why? Why put yourself through that kind of torture. Jackson slammed the can down, it banged against the faux marbled counter top barely resounding over the bass heavy hits playing over the living room surround-sound. Jinyoung was once again not surprised at the things Mark decided as priority to unpack—considering half their apartment was in boxes. Jackson nodded at the cup in Jinyoung’s hand, as if wondering if he’s going to drink that. Jinyoung thought about handing it back, but sticking to his fuck-it-all mindset, took a few tentative sips.

He swished it into his cheek so he won’t have to taste it full on, but from what he could taste it didn’t taste all bad. He found swallowing it hard, but it goes down, his body instantly felt like spitting it back up, but in all honestly Jinyoung had hyped himself up too much, it really wasn’t that bad, although it’s a lot stronger than the one from earlier.

“Not bad?”

“What is this?” You know, in case he ever goes to a bar or club in the future and doesn’t want to sound like an idiot ordering a drink.

“Gin and Sprite.” Jackson replied helpfully.

“A little heavy on the gin.” Jinyoung said. His throat felt numb, he worriedly wondered if that’s normal.

“Ah sorry. I’ll try harder next time.” Jackson placated. “You’ve never had gin before, though? What kind of college student are you?” He said in a way that was more incredulous than judgemental.

“A bad one apparently. I don’t turn twenty one until September.”

Jackson looked at Jinyoung, one eyebrow raised. As if he’d never heard of a person that hasn’t spent their teens drinking copious amounts of alcohol. That’s fair, Jinyoung supposed, he’d always been the odd one out. Jinyoung felt his stomach twist uncomfortably as he thought about that.

It must’ve shown on his face, as Jackson placed his hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder and is looking him in the eye. “Are you okay? Lightweight or not, that’s really not a whole lot to get you drunk.”

“No, not drunk, just thinking about how fucking awful of a human being I am.”

Jackson released his shoulder and steps back. Oh great, there goes Jinyoung scaring away another person with his obsessive self-deprecation.

However, “Let’s sit down, yeah?” Jackson lead him back to the kitchen, sitting him down in one of the dining chairs, a glass of water is placed down in front of Jinyoung, as Jackson took the seat across from him.

“If drinking is going to make you hate yourself, don’t drink. Or, well, drink water.” Jackson subtly slid the plastic cup away from Jinyoung’s side of the table, and slid a clear plastic cup full of tap water toward him.

“I think I can manage.” Jinyoung reached for the cup. “I think it’s just the _lack_ of alcohol.” Figured Jinyoung would be the type of depressive drunk, as if his charms didn’t stack up enough already.

Jackson quirked an eyebrow, and let Jinyoung take the cup back. “Well, whatever you say. I just don’t want to be responsible if you end up throwing yourself of a building or something.”

Jinyoung decided not to take offence to this, as he took more tentative sips from the cup. The more he drank the smoother it went down, he supposed. Jackson was watching him intently, worry etched on his face, with one eyebrow raised. Jinyoung tried to not let it phase him, but truthfully he was feeling slightly uncomfortable with someone looking at him so sincerely concerned. It made his throat feel tight, and his heart pace quicken. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Why do you think you’re an awful person, Jinyoung?”

 

 

With finals starting just next week, Jinyoung can’t for the life of him find room at the library so he can study. Sure he can always study is dorm, but he decided he needed time out for a change, his room was getting stuffy, not to mention lonely. Dare he say it, Jinyoung is actually craving human interaction? However, that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen anytime soon, with all these strangers suffocating him with their presence, and he needs to leave before his lungs collapse. That’s how he found himself at the campus café, in his favourite spot, his notes sprawled all over, with his laptop hanging dangerously over the edge of the small table. He felt a little better here, it was still crowded, though, so maybe he was just craving _good_ coffee all along. He had a pen in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other. He’s desperate to at least attempt to absorb anything useful from this quick study session.

But of course, all hope to accomplish anything this fine day was destroyed by a familiar face waiting in line looking worse for wear.

Jinyoung’s always come to know Jackson as someone who expelled positive energy. Looking at him now, Jinyoung would never have though that of him. Bags under his eyes, dressed in sweats, and a hat pulled low over his forehead. Jinyoung can’t help but feel entirely responsible. He attempts to appear invisible behind the screen of his laptop, hoping for hell that Jackson won’t spot him. Jinyoung is still frim on his beliefs that Jackson and him should not go together; they are two polar opposites that should never have met.

By some unfortunate circumstance, Jinyoung had bumped the leg of the table while lowering himself, and just his luck, his 800 dollar laptop goes crashing to the floor. Jinyoung’s feeble attempts at grasping for the only object hiding him from Jackson’s view goes forgotten, as it hits the floor, garnering all eyes on him.

When he looks up, briefly, Jackson was looking right at him. Jinyoung, quickly broke eye contact and reached for his (hopefully not broken) laptop. When it fell, it landed so that the screen was on the bottom, closing it. Quickly, he opens it to check if there was any damage. His laptop’s start screen shows up, and he sighs in relief. Although, when he looks up again, Jackson is gone, with the door slowly closing, and Jinyoung feels like shit. And for the first time he’s beginning to realize he deserves it.

\--

Finals were finally over. Jinyoung rewards himself for finishing them without jumping in front of traffic, by sleeping in.

Although, when he woke up, he didn’t feel rested at all.

He actually remembered to charge his phone the night before, so he was surprised to see a new message from Jaebum.

                jaebum

_Coffee?_

Jinyoung shuffles out of bed, checking the time—10:16am—to see he only managed a rough five hours of sleep. Seems about right.

He contemplates between replying to Jaebum or straight up ignoring him.

However, his fingers are typing a response before he can decide for himself.

                Sent to jaebum

_Sure. Give me 20._

True to his word, Jinyoung shows up at their usual coffee shop within twenty minutes. Jaebum was already there, with an iced coffee in one hand, his phone in the other, and sunglasses low on his nose. The day is surprisingly nice. The sky is blue, and the sun is shining through a part in the clouds. Spring was almost over, making way for the heat of the summer.

Jaebum looks up when he notices a figure approaching him. He smiles and finishes whatever he’s typing on his phone, then pockets it.

“I didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for, so I didn’t get you anything, yet. But it’s good to see you’re still alive.” Jaebum, holds the door open for Jinyoung. Jinyoung hasn’t been in the coffee shop since the incident with Jackson, if you could call it that. The smell of coffee assaults his senses, violently waking him up, and although earlier he didn’t think he’d be up for coffee, he was now craving that 100% Arabica dark roast blend, that he hasn’t had in over a week.

Thankfully Jaebum was more than willing to pay for him because Jinyoung belatedly realizes he left his stupid wallet in his room.

Since the weather is agreeing with them, they take a table outside. Jaebum seems unnaturally attached to his phone. Jinyoung can’t help but feel a little pissed off about that. He’d showered for this. Jinyoung must have sighed too loudly, as Jaebum is once again pocketing his phone and looking up at Jinyoung.

“Sorry.” He smiles, crookedly, taking a sip of his iced coffee which was nearly empty by this point.

“No, its fine. If there was somewhere else you want to be, then don’t let me hold you back.” Jinyoung says with just a hint of bitterness to his tone.

“Nah, can’t get rid of me that easily.” Jaebum says with his cocky smile. Jaebum is one of the few people in Jinyoung’s life that don’t take his threats and self-depreciation to heart. Jinyoung isn’t sure if he should be grateful for that.

“Shame.”

“So what…” Jaebum starts, unsure how to ask, “What’s the deal with you and Jackson. Mark won’t tell me. Something about needing a laxative for feelings or something? I don’t get it.”

Jinyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes. He knew he should have ignored Jaebum’s text. Whatever, he knew he would have to deal with this at some point. “I fucked everything up.”

“Fucked what up? You’re admitting there was something between you?”

Jinyoung ignores him, “I was an asshole, I don’t know how to stop being one, either, it seems. Now I’m pretty sure he hates me, Mark hates me, and everything is awful.”

Jaebum takes a long drawn out sip from his coffee, giving Jinyoung those few seconds of complete awkward silence, and eye contact. “No one hates you.” He finally says, setting his cup down on the table.

Jinyoung isn’t sure how to answer that. He opens his mouth, and makes a few hand gestures before shutting his mouth and leaning back in his chair. Defiantly he finally replies “Of course they do.”

Jaebum gives him a look, certain that Jinyoung doesn’t actually believe that. There is nothing Jinyoung would love to do more than smack that shit eating smirk straight off Jaebum’s disgusting face.

“I get it, you’re starting to feel remorseful. Now you have no idea how to admit that you actually care.”

Jinyoung makes a guttural sound from the back of his throat.

“Woah, relax. It’s natural, these are normal human being feelings.”

Jinyoung scowls.

“But then I remember, you’re Jinyoung, and Jinyoung doesn’t have feelings.” Jaebum rolls his eyes, “C’mon, Jinyoung, why do you always have to make it more difficult than it has to be?”

Jinyoung isn’t sure what to even say to that. He’s not wrong, but he wants to protest anyway.

“Look, I don’t know Jackson as well as you do, but what I get from him… He’s a good guy. He doesn’t have bad intentions, as much as you try to convince yourself that everyone is out to get you; they’re really not. This isn’t high school.” Jaebum says the last sentence just barely above a whisper, fixing Jinyoung with a look of concern.

“How do you know that?” Jinyoung, mildly offended, fixes Jaebum with a glare.

Jaebum takes his glasses off his face and sets them on the table. “I know things sucked, back then, but Jinyoung, we’re in university. People, for the most part, don’t care that you’re gay.”

Jaebum is met with silence, as Jinyoung stares blankly at the table top.

The silence is only broken by the trill of Jaebum’s phone. Jinyoung looks up as Jaebum is pulling it out, lips pursed in an amused way and his eyebrows raised.

“Sorry, one sec.” Jaebum walks out of earshot before answering.

 

 

“Jinyoung? What the hell? Why are you calling me? I’m in school.” Jaebum pulled his phone away from his face for a second to double check the caller ID. It indeed was Jinyoung. He put his phone back to his ear only hear a loud sob coming from the other end.

“Never mind. This is a bad time, I’ll let you go.” His voice was quivering.

“I’m in my free period, so it’s fine. Jinyoung what’s wrong?”

Everyday Jaebum loathed the fact him and Jinyoung couldn’t go to the same school. Jinyoung’s parents sent him to a private school, in hopes that his future would be promising, in a way that public schools couldn’t achieve (Jaebum called bullshit on that. Where you went to school shouldn’t determine your success in life.) So in this moment, Jaebum was even angrier at the unfairness of the situation for not being able to be there to personally comfort his friend.

“Everything.” Jinyoung replied, sniffling.

Jaebum tensed. He knows school away from friends, for Jinyoung, has not been easy. Jaebum, having known Jinyoung since fourth grade, knows that Jinyoung isn’t the most sociable, or easiest to get along with. It took months of persistence from Jaebum’s end to get him to finally open up and become friends. And for Jinyoung to phone him first, in the middle of the school day nonetheless, raised concern for Jaebum. Something incredibly awful must be happening. Quickly, Jaebum escaped to a more secluded section of his school, away from not so subtle curious ears.

So he repeated with more authority, “Jinyoung. What’s wrong?”

“People are the worst.” Jinyoung’s voice had steadied somewhat, allowing Jaebum to hear him clearly.

A huff of static, which Jaebum interpreted as a sigh before a confession, was heard through his speaker.

“It’s a long story.” A sniffle.

“I’ve got time.” He didn’t really, only about fifteen minutes until free period was over, but anything for Jinyoung.

Jinyoung seemed to clear his throat. “Promise you won’t think less of me?”

“Jinyoung… You’d have to do something really awful, like murder someone, for me to think less of you.”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t exactly what Jaebum had been expecting. Jaebum hadn’t been sure what else to say to that except a small encouragement for him to continue. Preferring to stay silent while Jinyoung speaks.

“And I have—“ a pause “ _Had_ a boyfriend.” Jinyoung sighed bitterly, staying silent for a second letting that sink in for a second, before continuing.

“Jinyoung. Wait, hold on. What?” Jaebum looked around him before continuing. “You _had_ a boyfriend? What happened…?”

“Let’s just say, I caught him cheating. With a girl.” Jinyoung hiccupped, “Not only that, but he’s trying to tell everyone that I’m some disgusting, horrible person, that came onto him. That I tried to ‘convert’ him. I don’t fucking know. Everything is fucked up.” Jaebum could hear Jinyoung barely mask the crack in his voice.

Jaebum was stunned. He leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down, until he was sitting on the floor.

“I just…” Jinyoung paused. “I thought I could trust someone. Now my whole life is ruined.”

Jaebum wasn’t sure how to respond. Obviously, Jinyoung had a flair for dramatics, but the lack of any emotion in what he’d said tells Jaebum that this is anything but an act. Jaebum felt himself tearing into the skin on his lips—a habit he’d never seemed to be able to break, and probably never will.

In a quiet voice, Jaebum strained to hear “He told my fucking parents.”

“What the fuck. Jinyoung. I can’t imagine…”

“And I don’t-I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can go home.”

Jaebum’s head was spinning. To believe some shitty person would do this, and for what reason? Their own sick sense of self-satisfaction? Jaebum could feel a twinge of anger ignite, causing his heart beat just a little bit faster. This is his friend, his closest friend, since fourth grade, coming out to him in the worst way imaginable. All thanks to some lowlife with nothing better to do with their pathetic life. Jaebum seethed. If he had been there, who knows what he would have done.

However, the mood was broken by the bell, breaking Jaebum out of his reverie.

Jinyoung must have heard it over the tinny cell speaker, as he attempted a hurried goodbye. “I should stop annoying yo—“

“You sh-should come over to my house. After school. We’ll figure things out, okay?”

“You’re… you don’t hate me…?”

“Don’t be fucking stupid, Park Jinyoung. I’ve been with you since fourth grade. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Jinyoung sighed shakily. This one Jaebum could interpret as one of relief. It was only then that Jaebum felt comfortable enough to hang up on his friend, before heading to his next class.

 

 

“Yeah, don’t worry, babe, I can come by later. Okay-okay, love you too, bye.” Jaebum pulls his phone away from his face and hangs up, sighing, but it a way that’s almost fond. Jinyoung would barf if he’d even bothered to eat anything that morning. “Sorry. Mark was just letting me know I forgot my…” Jinyoung’s eyebrows scrunch together. “…never mind.”

Jinyoung ignores Jaebum’s last statement. “When did that start?”

“What start?”

“Isn’t it too soon?” Jaebum’s eyebrow lifts quizzically. Jinyoung sees he’s not going to get anywhere by being vague. “The ‘ _I love you’s_ ’.” He elaborates with a slight sneer to his lips.

“We’ve… been together for three months, Jinyoung. God.” Jaebum acts annoyed, but is really anything but. Jaebum shakes the ice at the bottom of his cup, taking one final watered down sip of his iced coffee before tossing it in the bin. “I’m going to head off now. You should figure out whatever the hell is between you and Jackson, instead of brooding over it. Don’t overthink it, it’s not healthy. ‘Cause I’m sure, whatever it is, it’s salvageable.” Jaebum sighs, “Catch up with me later. Let me know how things go.”

Jinyoung sits there for a few moments after Jaebum left, staring at his quickly cooling cup of coffee—he didn’t even bother putting a lid on it, wondering how the hell he’s going to go about ‘fixing’ things. Briefly he wonders why everything has got to be _his_ responsibility ( _well maybe because you’re the one that fucked everything up in the first place._ ) Fuck it, he decides, he stands up abruptly, the metal chair screeching harshly against the pavement, and bumping the table in the process. The coffee cup wobbles dangerously, Jinyoung watches in horror, as it tips over, the remains of the coffee spilling over the edge and onto Jinyoung’s pants.

Jinyoung wants to scream.

Bitter, that this is the second time this has happened to him, but also because this is karma telling him to get his ass in gear, and fix this mess he’s created.

 

 

Jinyoung was comfortably buzzed. Dare he say he was even feeling giddy? He’d spent a good part of the evening drinking and chatting with Jackson. It felt good for Jinyoung to be a part of the conversation for a change, where he didn’t feel have to worry about someone else joining in, leaving him a bystander. Jackson was the kind of person that made Jinyoung feel included, and like his words actually mattered, and that he wasn’t just spilling useless thoughts and opinions on someone with no interest. The conversation was pleasant up until the point Jackson was pulled away from him by another party goer. Jinyoung was in too much of a good mood (for the first time in such a long time) all his uncomfortable feelings from earlier were gone sometime after the fourth or so drink. But it was getting to the point where Jinyoung was worrying that Jackson wasn’t going to come back on his own. He figured that that’ll happen to someone drunk. They get distracted and forget prior agreements. Not that they had some agreement, but Jinyoung figured the conversation was pleasant enough for Jackson to want to continue.

Jinyoung got up from his claimed seat in the kitchen, and squeezed passed a couple people occupying the opening to the kitchen. The living room, directly adjacent, was void of any Jackson’s, so he made his way passed the entry way and toward the hallway, where, earlier, during Jinyoung’s brief tour of the apartment, was told were where the bedrooms and bathroom were located. Jinyoung figured, he’d find Jackson in his bedroom or something, although if that were the case, he’d probably leave him alone, maybe call it a night and go back home. However, upon turning the corner to the hallway, what Jinyoung sees isn’t _just_ Jackson.

The girl that’d dragged Jackson away earlier, was pushed up against the wall, Jackson with his mouth attached to her neck.

Jinyoung felt sick. He tried to convince himself it’s all because of the alcohol, and not because of some kind of jealousy. That’d be absurd. In a flash, he’d made it into the bathroom, not so subtly slamming the door behind him. Hot saliva filled his mouth, and he’d just barely made it to the toilet before he was throwing up mostly liquid.

Come morning, Mark had found Jinyoung with his head rested against the brim of the bathtub. That _couldn’t_ be comfortable. Rousing him, Jinyoung, with a pounding headache and a faint memory of the night before felt sick to his stomach. Mark is just glad most of it got in the bathtub.

 

 

The coffee stain embedded into his favourite pair of khakis will forever be a regarded as a sign from someone somewhere telling him to stop being a fucking asshole. Jinyoung decides, after grudgingly trudging back to his dorm, looking not exactly his lowest, but pretty damn low, with people trying their hardest not to look at him. He’s just glad it isn’t a far walk.

After a quick change, grabbing his wallet on the way out, he made a quick stop at the same coffee shop before heading off campus in the direction of Mark and Jackson’s apartment.

The building is an older styled complex, three stories high. The bottom floor patios were closed in by concrete half walls turned into flower beds, with colourful wildflowers to brighten the dreary grey of the building. A pudgy grey stripped cat with piercing green eyes stares Jinyoung down as he stands outside the main door, too nervous to actually call Mark’s flat. With one hand carrying a cardboard tray with a replacement coffee, and something for Jackson, that’s if Jinyoung stops being a piece of shit, with his other hand hovering near the bell next to a handwritten “ _markson_ ” with an absurd amount of hearts decorating it.

However, he was pushed out of the way by someone from inside opening the door. Jinyoung, immediately apologetic, turns, only to be startled by a familiar face. Jackson, equally startled, attempts to look anywhere but at Jinyoung, going as far as pulling the brim of his hat down over his eyebrows.

“Um.” He starts, coughing awkwardly into his fist. “Mark has… company.”

Right. Jinyoung contemplates this. He should probably just leave, right? Yeah definitely, just leave. However, Jinyoung needs to do this. Talk. Talk to Jackson. Make amends. Become friends (?) again. “That’s great, but, uh, I’m not here to see Mark.”

“Oh.”

“Uh. Are you busy?”

Jackson looks around him, probably thinking of an excuse, but ends up shrugging his shoulders. “Not really.”

“Do you… Would you like to… talk?” Jinyoung nods at the concrete half wall for a place to sit.

“Uh, I guess.” Jackson follows, sitting on the edge, while Jinyoung sits next to him, placing the cardboard cup holder between them.

“Oh. This is for you.” Jinyoung holds out the venti iced green tea thing, that he knows Jackson likes, toward him. Jackson’s eyes widen slightly, surprised but delighted, it’s kind of cute. He takes the cup from Jinyoung and takes a sip. He sets the cup back down.

“Thanks.” Suddenly bashful.

“You’re welcome.”

Jackson huffs a tiny laugh.

Jinyoung stares straight ahead. The cat from earlier still sitting there giving him a nasty look. Cats are so evil looking. Jinyoung doesn’t understand how people can like them.

“So. Talking.” Jackson waves a hand in front of him. “Let’s talk. Or something.”

“Uh, god. I don’t know how to start.” Jinyoung pries his own coffee from the tray.

 "So, Jinyoung, I’m assuming the whole me spilling coffee on you thing isn’t the reason why you were so mad at me."

Jinyoung could easily disagree, apologize and leave it at that without having to get to the root of the issue and spill everything.

God that would be so much easier.

But if he did that then nothing would get solved, and Jinyoung would still be this apathetic shell of self-deprecation, with no close personal connections with anyone.

After much deliberation Jinyoung decides, now or never. "It's not."

The look on Jackson’s face is almost heartbreaking. Jinyoung turns back to his coffee in hand, pointedly ignoring the puppy dog eyes—he finds looking away is the only way to not fall victim.

"Jinyoung you can tell me. I want to improve as a person, so things aren't awkward between us. That's all I want. I just… would like to be friends again."

Jinyoung glances at Jackson, he feels his heart wrench. Jackson’s eyes were cast downward at his feet, expression unreadable.

"This is ... so stupid." Jinyoung worries his lip, looking away, while tugging on a strand of hair just in front of his ear. He's nervous suddenly. Belatedly he realizes he never bothered to rehearse anything he planned on saying, and all he can do is hope that his words don't fall out of his mouth in a classless jumble. He closes his eyes before looking back at Jackson, staring at the side of his nose because he can't bear to make eye contact.  "I..." he swallows around a rather big lump forming in his throat. Here comes the word vomit "…think. Since the housewarming party. I've felt like ... there was a connection between us, like." Jinyoung can't control the nervous stutter in his voice. "Like, not j-just friendship, like, more than friendship. I like you. As more than just a friend." Jinyoung quickly looks away, noticing Jackson visibly stiffen. His drink left forgotten beside him letting the condensation form a dark ring on the concrete they were sat upon. “I know you’re probably thinking that I have a really bad way of showing it.”

"Oh." Says Jackson, with a slight crack to his voice, eloquent as ever. “A little.”

Jinyoung stares straight ahead. Unable to even glance in Jackson’s direction.

"B-but that night ... I" Jackson stammers. "I hardly remember. Just that when you left early in the morning. Mark said you looked really sad, but also said you’re usually like that, combined with a hangover... so."

"You don't remember?"

Jackson, noticing Jinyoung was now staring at him, flicks his eyes to meet his. Dejectedly he replies "... I do."

Jinyoung swallows.

"My ex happened. She showed up." Jackson’s fingers twitch on his thighs. "Does that have something to do with…?”

Jinyoung nods, glancing at his side profile and says "Yes. I saw you... in the hallway."

Jackson’s eyes flutter closed. "Not my best moment… ha ha." he attempts.

Jinyoung laughs half-heartedly at that. "I guess not."

"Jinyoung. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have seen that. I didn't think… I wasn't thinking. Just nostalgia and a lot of drink, making me forget why we broke up in the first place. What you saw, was… basically the whole thing. I’d really rather not think about it…"

Jinyoung feels slightly relieved, only slightly. At least it wasn't someone Jackson was currently dating. But he also knows that he's outwardly pushing this issue to somehow be all Jackson’s fault, and that's not fair. So Jinyoung takes a deep breath before speaking. "That's not your fault. I shouldn't have—I should have just, not bothered. Not even worried about it, like, I hardly knew you at the time. It's not fair for me to push all the blame on you. I caught stupid feelings that I blame entirely on the alcohol, and you should be allowed to do whatever you want. Don't let my stupid gay self stop you from doing that. I know you’re straight, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.

Suddenly Jackson burst out laughing.

Jinyoung looks taken aback slightly. "Don't laugh at me." He says seriously.

"No, no, no, no. I'm not laughing at you." Jackson tilts his head back, still laughing. "I'm laughing at the fact, you think I'm straight."

"You're.... not?"

"No…?"

Jinyoung feels something well inside him, perhaps hope? No Jinyoung don't be stupid. Just because Jackson is bi or pan means he's going to want to date you.

“I like everyone. All genders. I don’t discriminate." he clarifies.

Jinyoung is glad.

"Oh. That's good." Jinyoung bites on his lip, an ever so faint smile trying to show through.

"And like." Jackson coughs, pretend clearing his throat. "I know what you mean—what you meant. From earlier. That connection; it wasn't just you. I felt it too, and not just at the party, but like, all the time."

Jinyoung isn't sure what to say. What even was Jackson saying? Clearly he’s just fucking with him. Nothing else would make sense.

"God that's so lame, like, here, I am sitting out front my apartment where my roommate and his boyfriend are fucking on every flat surface, confessing my attraction to someone I thought a mere ten minutes ago hated my guts."

Jinyoung’s face flushes bright red. Possibly at the mention of his best friends getting it on, but mostly because Jackson is taking a sip out of the iced tea Jinyoung bought him and smiling, his face mirroring Jinyoung.

"When did you..." Jinyoung gestures vaguely. Jackson seems to understand as he's stopped chewing on the straw, and has set his cup down once again.

"Like, a while ago. To be honest I think Mark found out before I even did. Said we're always making googly eyes at each other, or whatever, which I don't get because you always look like you want to murder someone." Jackson looks away with a crafty smirk "I mean that in a good way."

Jinyoung chuckles, sending a weak glare in Jackson’s direction.

"But, I get it. You're probably way over me by now, but I'm just glad that we can, sort of, talk again..."

Jinyoung shakes his head and reaches for Jackson’s hand, of which was grabbing at loose threads on his torn knees of his ripped jeans.

"…Well, would you like to… try?" Jinyoung bravely grips Jackson’s fingers loosely, rubbing his thumb along his knuckles. Jinyoung’s expression was serious. Jackson’s quivering smile tells Jinyoung he’s suppressing a laugh, trying not to ruin the moment. Instead his smile split his face into two and grips onto Jinyoung’s hand tight enough to cut off blood flow.

Jinyoung looks at their linked hands, wistfully. Jackson was careful in noticing his expression.

"Was there something else?"

Jinyoung wants to shake his head no, but he knows that he shouldn't; the beginning of their relationship (can he really call it that? Is it too soon? It is, isn’t it? They’ve barely even talked) should be one where they can freely express themselves. Jinyoung doesn’t want to ruin this.

"Yeah."

Jackson’s grip loosens, but ultimately is still firmly attached to Jinyoung’s, a show that it’s not leaving anytime soon no matter what. He’s gently griping Jinyoung’s pointer n middle finger between two of his, trying to be encouraging for him to continue.

"This is so dumb, I don’t know why I'm telling you, but, the night I saw you with... I was reminded of my ex. which is stupid. I know, I shouldn’t compare."

Jackson squeezes his fingers. "It's not stupid."

Jinyoung let out a shaky breath. "Well he cheated on me. With a girl, and tried to play it out like what we had wasn't anything. That our relationship meant nothing, and that _I_ was a freak, and told all his friends, that I," Jinyoung took a deep breath, "that I was the one forcing him, or whatever, and word got out to everyone… that I was some... abomination. I hated myself for that for a long time."

Jackson was silent. Fuck. There goes Jinyoung fucking things up again. But instead Jackson’s hand hasn’t moved, and still griping his. When Jinyoung looks up Jackson is staring at him, his eyes slightly shimmery.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that—"

Jinyoung abruptly cuts him off right there. "You don't have to apologize for that. Like I said it was stupid. I'm stupid. I was looking too much into that evening when I shouldn’t have." Jackson huffs, annoyed.

"Stop saying that stuff about yourself. Jinyoung, you're not stupid. You’re literally the smartest person I know, and that's hardly an exaggeration."

"But I'm making you apologize for things that aren't even your fault, so please, I just wanted to say that. I'm an idiot." Jinyoung caught Jackson’s glare "I was an idiot for hating you for something as baseless as that."

"That's the last thing I want to do Jinyoung. If you're worried, I never want to hurt you like that. People like that are shit, and I want you to feel good about yourself when we’re together—If we get together, and even if that’s not what you want, I want you to be happy. You're awesome Jinyoung, and, I don’t know... let's try to make the best of this, yeah?"

Jinyoung smiles, nodding. "Yeah."

A comfortable silence fell over them. Their fingers still linked loosely, with Jinyoung’s coffee slowly getting cool.

"Now drink your tea before it gets warm.  I did buy you that with my own money. It wasn't cheap."

"Oh! Yes sir, right away, sir!" Jackson takes the tea and diligently sips through the straw. "Sorry. Ha, ha"

"What for?"

"When I spilled coffee on you that time."

"Consider it forgotten."

"Jinyoung Park? Forget? Not hold a grudge? Who are you?"

Jinyoung shrugs "If it makes you feel any better, I spilled coffee on myself this morning."

"No way?"

"Yep. All down the front of my pants. I had to walk all the way from the coffee shop to my dorm looking like I wet myself."

Jackson bursts out laughing.

Then a voice from somewhere above disrupts them.

"Did you two finally make up?" Mark was halfway leaning over the balcony wearing the same t-shirt, Jinyoung recognizes as the one Jaebum was wearing earlier, with Jaebum beside him with no shirt and what looks like a lit cigarette in his left hand.

"Are you two done fucking so I can come back upstairs? Nothing worse than getting sexiled from your own flat."

“Nope, just taking a quick break.” Mark teases, sticking out his tongue and reaching for the cigarette between Jaebum’s fingers and takes a few puffs on it, handing it back. In that time, Jinyoung realizes that it’s, in fact, not a cigarette.

“Now you’re sharing our freaking stash? Man, what’s wrong with you?” Jackson stands up, still holding onto Jinyoung’s hand, forcing Jinyoung to stand up as well, which is all fine and great, as Jackson weaves their fingers together, giving Jinyoung’s hand a light squeeze. “Wanna come up?” He smirks cheekily.

The flutter of butterflies in Jinyoung’s gut causes him to lose grip on reality, in the process, losing his grip on the half drank coffee cup, causing it to crash to the ground, spilling dark liquid, wetting the cement and seeping between the cracks of the paved walkway. Jackson’s face screws up funnily, trying hard not to laugh. Jinyoung rolls his eyes and lets out a long drawn out sigh. Loud laugher erupts from beside Jinyoung. In turn, Jinyoung scowls, with little bite to it. “Okay, but under one condition.”

“Anything for you.”

“No more coffee.”

“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> anyway this is verylong and i have little patience, so i apologise if there are mistakes...............
> 
> you should let me know what u think, if thats ur thing....


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